I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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