ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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