I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
