She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
