Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
