so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
