Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
