i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
