Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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