You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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