Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
