Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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