I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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