Im at strip club and am horny
Duck Duck Cougar?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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