worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
