I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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