Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry about my life...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
