so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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