Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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