i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
