dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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