that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
