Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
