Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
