Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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