u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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