I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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