I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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