I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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