apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
