six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
