If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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