my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
