I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
