if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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