so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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