I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
