I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
