Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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