Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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