Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
