I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
