k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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