apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
