Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
