If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
