I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
