The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
