the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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