Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
