She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
