Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
