Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
