You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
