I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
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he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
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no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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