Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
