We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
