i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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