I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
