so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
