This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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