I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
