he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
