walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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