Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
