We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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