Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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