my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
