So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize