you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
