We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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