why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
