4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry about my life...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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