does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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