the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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