How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
