I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
