My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
