it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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